Rok (Stop) in the name of Love

This weekend I was officially ‘Roked’, which is basically my Indian engagement! I literally had the best time and danced like no one was watching, (doesn’t help when they’re filming you and taking pictures) there was no shy bride acting over here! Star plus would have been having a field day with the way I was going on! I joke, I joke. What I mean is, it’s important to have a good time at events like these, it’s the first and last time that you’re going to be able to do this so why be shy (she says on social media as opposed to her mums face, I joke!) and to be honest if you’re both happy and your parents are happy, in essence who cares?

Whilst all of this was going on it really made me think about the new chapter that me and my fiancé (any excuse to use that word) are taking on. This is something exciting, it’s going to be a lot harder than choosing what to eat but at the same time it’s going to be like unlimited wings for life (can you tell I’m a chicken fiend). I mean I know there will be downfalls like having to share food and working out which side of the bed will be yours but spending your day to day life with your best friend, learning new things about each other all the time and most of all being able to start your journey together with nothing but shits and giggles is what it’s really about. I feel like relationships are so underrated and media channels them in to such a negative light but really it’s the one thing that brings out the positivity in you. It brings out you as an individual because when you have someone who motivates you and cherishes the natural and no make-up you, that’s when you realise that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks because you’re happy.

Bringing everything into perspective it began to get emotional. My Mum and Dad, my two role models from the start, now giving me away to another family. I know it’s nothing that dramatic and everyone becomes one big family, but it felt so surreal looking at my parents from across the room and thinking, I’m actually going to miss you Dad, my knight in shining armour who defends me from the spiders of the household. The man who taught me how to put up a shelf and always made us food when Mum was working nights back in the day, the man who showed me how to make a good marinade for the chicken and even still to this day shouts at me for leaving the dishes by the sink and not in the sink. I’m going to miss you Mum, my first best friend who I shared my first laughs with, who made me cucumber sandwiches after school with half a pack of fruit pastilles, who always made a special batch of mash for me without the tomatoes, the amazing woman who taught me how to cook, who still makes that glass of warm milk for everyone after roti whilst we watch the most absurd Star Plus programmes. But most of all, there’ll be no more kissing you on the forehead every night before going up to bed, there will be no more random annoying squidgy cuddles in the day when I see you, no more hearing Dad’s iPad on full blast because apparently we’re deaf in this house, no more of anything. I’m moving away to a different city where I’m not going to be able to ‘pop in’, where it will be me, my husband and my new family.

Coming from a big family, also makes it one hundred times harder when I realised I was leaving. I don’t have just one set of parents, I have two. You have your Thi Ji and Thia Ji but no not me, they brought me up just like Mum and Dad and they were never short of a chappear, also like Mum and Dad. Everyone has ‘cousins’ but that’s a forbidden word in our family, there is no such thing as ‘cousins’, you’re either a sister or a brother, any other terminology used and you won’t be sitting with us. Fool. My brothers are forever my protectors, the ones that would trial WWF (now WWE, damn I’m old!) moves on me and squash me down the side of Mum’s bed with a broom but would beat the shit out of anyone else that would touch me!! Where when I was being bullied at school would come to my defence but when Thia Ji was feeding me a tomato and I was crying, would laugh at the side of the table. Not on bro! And sisters? Oh lord, the sisters. I’ve got like a million of ‘em. I could have been 30 and they still think I’m 10, I mean yeah its nice… I get to dodge out of paying my way through every food meal we go for, I get GAZILLIONS of cool hand-me-downs (I ain’t ashamed, you have to re-mortgage your house just to shop at Topshop these days) but the best thing about it is that they’re not just my sisters, they’re my best friends. From keeping secrets to pulling each other’s hair out, to trying to suffocate one by sticking a pillow on her head and sitting on it, to not talking to one another, to possibly even whacking a spade over one’s head… It’s all love really.

Although everything is slowly becoming real and it does make me emotional even thinking about it I am grateful for the family that I’m getting married into. The laughter, the banter, the relationships and I believe that is the most important foundation of any marriage. Your marriage is always going to be between you and your husband but being welcomed in to a family (yes I’m boasting about my in-laws) where they make a home away from home gives me such a comfort in knowing that whenever I’m feeling homesick they’ll always be there. My mother-in-law always says, that it’s not just about giving away your daughter but it’s also about gaining a son and that’s the best way to look at it really. Leaving my family is the hardest thing I’m ever going to do but at the same time, I realise I’m not actually leaving, I’m just extending my family.

Things will be different and I will be a little further but home is where the heart is and that will always be with my parents.

-n

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