Anyone for a cup of anxie-tea?

Imagine you’re sitting in a room full of people, and the feet of your chair tip back a little. We’ve all been there right, for that split second where your heart is in your mouth and all those childhood stories of the kid who cracked his head open come screaming back! You reach forward with all of your body so that you can stabilise yourself on the ground. And you’re like phew, I’m fine, I’m fine!

That split second, where you felt like you couldn’t control what was happening, but you were trying your hardest to try and get back on your feet? That is the only way I can describe my anxiety. 

You didn’t know the chair was going to tip back, and when it did you lost all sense of judgement because you just wanted to get back on the ground. And although it was only for a split second or two, it felt like a lifetime because you were trying so hard to focus on getting that damn chair on the floor. 

Anxiety affects us in different ways. Sometimes I feel completely detached from everyone because my thoughts have literally consumed my brain and it’s emotionally draining. It gets really difficult to handle sometimes, and there’s been situations where people have said to me, ‘it’s nothing‘, ‘just move on from it‘, ‘don’t worry‘.

Let’s stop right there.

Phrases like this, as positive as they sound, do not help the situation. I call them a ‘quick fix’ phrase, and it’s important that we all take note of how damaging they can be. You might think that it will shift the vibe slightly and push the other person to look at the silver lining, but in reality you’re brushing off how this experience is making people feel and it almost invalidates their feelings.

It’s time we learn that if someone feels a certain way, THAT’S HOW THEY FEEL. It’s fact, so please don’t use toxic terms like ‘don’t worry about it, move on‘ because that’s just arsehole behaviour. Instead, acknowledge they feel that way, tell them to talk about it and let them know that you’re there.

I’ve found that people use different ways of coping. There’s meditation, breathing techniques, walking, even reciting positive affirmations. For me, it’s listening to podcasts and journaling. Believe me, I’ve tried to control my thinking to make it more positive but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. So I’ve taken to pen and paper and started resembling Kermit the Frog.

It helps, it really does. It’s almost as if I’m picking up all the thoughts in my head with one of those claws, you know the ones you get in the 20p machines at the arcade, only this time we’re not winning any toys. We’re winning at life! (wuddup positive vibes!)

So I’m picking up these thoughts, and throwing them on to paper but just the like the machine we don’t always win. What I’m trying to say is, journaling doesn’t get rid of every single thought but it definitely lightens the load. And that’s what’s important here. It’s not about trying to force out everything you’re feeling, it’s about understanding what’s there and learning to welcome it and live with it in harmony.

Podcasts are also brilliant. There are so many podcasts, SO MANY that have helped me. The best thing about them is that yeah, you can have them on in the background while you’re pottering around, but most importantly it feels like you’re having a cuppa with someone who feels exactly the same as you. You understand what they’re going through because you’re growing through it too.

It’s taken me a while to figure out what works for me, and there are still a lot of days where I don’t know how to cope. So rather than forcing myself to have a positive day, I treat myself kindly and just ask to have a day.

-n

Working from home? Or working at home?

I remember when I was at work (physically), I used to meet my husband for lunch. It was cute back then, an Italian BMT to share, a bag of Sensations and a drink… to share, just simple but enough. And then lockdown was bestowed upon us, and now sharing a bag of crisps is just the tip of the iceberg. 

We used to have a rule in our house. We weren’t allowed to mention the ‘W’ word before 9pm on a Sunday when the weekend hit. Yet now I find myself talking about it all the time. It’s not about having to work, (although it wouldn’t hurt to win the lottery once in a while), it’s more about trying to find that line between work life and home life. How do you stop them merging into one?

Before, it used to be easy to walk out of the office and leave everything at the door. But times have changed, and so has the way we work. Home is where your comfort is, where you zone off and where you get your ‘zen’.. and now.. it’s where you work. 

For me, the lines have become blurred and I’m switching between roles of mother, wife and employee all in one day. Where I had time to focus on my work and give it my sole attention, I now have to juggle between entertaining a 1 year old and partially a 31 year old. Luckily, Cbeebies have supplied us with the goods, and Hey Duggee’s ‘stick song’ is forever a vibe in our house, for both of them. 

Working from home and managing a little human is definitely hard work. Where I used to be able to freely spend my time doing what I wanted on my lunches, all my time now revolves around the little whirlwind in our house. There isn’t much of a break, and when ‘nursery day’ comes, I get a little sigh of relief, because I know. I know I won’t be drinking lukewarm tea today! 

Every weekend I convince myself that a routine will be in order from Monday, we’ll try things a different way I’ll say, I’ll have ‘me’ time every week and we’ll make a meal plan for the baby. Then I strut around the house, 100% confident that I’ve solved this dilemma only to find myself in the same position next Sunday.  

The truth is there’s going to be days, weeks, or what I can confirm to be months where things just don’t go to plan. Sometimes you’ll do a weekly shop and end up having 4 takeaways that week, and sometimes you’ll cook everyday and pretend you have a YouTube channel (don’t lie, we all do it).

Recently, rather than bringing myself down for the things I haven’t done, I’ve started to take glory in the things I’ve achieved over this ‘unprecedented’ time. I’ve painted 3 walls of my living room, and realised that 60 minute makeover was a lie. I’ve actually sat down and enjoyed a whole cup of tea without it going cold and I’ve organised half of my kitchen with ‘fancy’ storage (thank you Home Edit) to make it pretty. 

I know these aren’t massive life impacting things, but they’re enough to make me feel good about myself in this situation. And that’s enough.

We’re all trying to cope with lockdown, and with the changes but sometimes we focus so hard on what hasn’t been done, we forget what we’ve achieved. Whether it’s a big thing or small thing, if you’ve done something that makes you feel that little bit better, then I’m proud of you. It’s another day you mustered the strength to understand that you can handle this. 

-n